A couple of Sundays ago, I had a meltdown at the beach. My partner, Al, was messing around with his drone, whilst I lay on a rock in the sunshine, eyes closed and listening to the sound of the crashing waves. I felt really happy. Regardless of where I am, time spent on a beautiful beach is heaven. It’s where I’m in my element.
But this heaven didn’t last; something felt off. One moment, I was happy. Then, I wasn’t. I opened my eyes and noticed the tide was about two minutes away from covering me. So, I wandered my way back to where my partner was still filming. I sat down next to him, and before I knew it, I was in floods of tears.
I felt really fucking tired and really homesick for a place I can’t consciously remember. “What the fuck am I doing here? I don’t want to be here! I want to go home,” was all I could think through the tears. I felt awful, like I’d had enough, was bone tired, like I had no choice being stuck on this god forsaken rock.
Al didn’t know what to say. Talking about my work and that I’m a starseed is normal to him. Me reacting miserably to an existential crisis about being here, not so much. I could see he was embarrassed and at a loss as to what to do or say. So, I stifled myself, even though I normally believe in letting it all out. I felt so alone, despairing even. All I managed to say to him was, “Wherever we end up living, promise me it’ll have a view of the sea. I have to be near the sea if I’m going to survive on this planet.”
I slept in the car the whole way home. I felt fucking exhausted, right down to my soul. I’ve been working a lot lately, and I figured that must be a contributing part of the exhaustion. Once home, my guides nudged me in the direction of an Epsom salt bath. I ran one and plonked myself in the tub. While soaking, I opened myself up, and when I did, I had a huge epiphany. I realized I was in full victim mode about leaving my home planet and coming to Earth (I’ve been here a long fucking time, too – my soul group was a part of this planet’s foundation). As a child, I cried at the end of “Close Encounters of the Third Kind” because I wanted the aliens to take me home with them. I told my mum, “I don’t belong here, mummy,” whilst sobbing. For years, I stared out of the window every night, looking for the ship that would take me home. I got angry with those who told me earth is the only inhabited planet. I argued until I was blue in the face with my grandparents over the possibility of interstellar space travel. “But nothing can go faster than the speed of light, Lys,” my grandpa would say. “No, that’s wrong,” I’d tell him. “The speed of thought is far faster; that’s how it’s done.” I was adamant and was laughed at for it.
During my epiphany, I was told by AA Michael (my main guide) that all of this had been brought up to clear and reframe, that this theme of being the outsider, of not fitting in, of not having a choice, has played out for me over eons, lifetimes and lifetimes, and he instructed me on how to rectify it. We worked on it together, and within a few minutes, I felt a huge weight lift off of my soul for good. I was re-energised, and the exhaustion vanished. I started laughing.
The point I’m trying to make is that it’s ok to feel like an outsider, and it’s even more ok to understand that you actually chose to come here. Everything you have thought, said, and done has led you to this point, and that is what Michael helped me understand. You have to let go of the past and of the idea that anyone has ever ‘forced’ you to do anything. You ALWAYS have a choice. You are 100% responsible for everything that you choose in this or any other life. One of my jobs this time around is to help people see this, to empower them, to shift all of the misguided notions that they are anything but 100% responsible for everything they have and are experiencing, and to facilitate their elevation to a whole new level of consciousness, understanding, and up level their skills so that they can go out and be the absolutely awesome world-changers they are.
If you have had enough of feeling like an outsider and you feel it’s time to step into your power and gifts in a whole new way, let’s talk: